When I got divorced in 1977, it was at the request of my husband. I didn't want the divorce knowing I would never marry again.. So the paper was moot for me, but my husband rode to work with a friend who was divorced and his wife took everything and I mean everything, she certainly left behind an angry man. So when I left I only took half of what I owned and did leave some things that I owned behind that the baby sitter took with her when she cleaned out the place.
another story.
I took half the dishes,,,only my children's beds, I left everything else.. took some pots and pans, things my mother had given me. Anyway this friend of my husbands scared him, he said I would come back and take my husband's beloved house.
I hated the house from the first day I moved in,,and advice to the men,,,you better make sure the person who lives in that house the most likes it. Otherwise nothing will work, I asked him to sell it a few times, and he said no,,,he was going to die in that house and when he said this, I felt as if someone had closed a coffin over my face.. I was not going to die in that house, I hated it..I told him two years before I left I was unhappy and I gave him two years to make me happy, and he ignored my request as usual. He ignored everything I said,, this time I wanted what I wanted and that was it, so I left.
At the end of two years nothing had changed except another baby. I left anyway. Taking them with me. I would never of given up my kids to anyone for any reason. but I did. I was unschooled, never worked, got fired three times and could not support them , so he asked me for them and when my youngest had a seizure and could of died, and it scared me so bad I felt he could support them much better and care fort them much better than I. I said ok,,,only while I was in boot camp.
He told me he could take better care , he made much more money than I did, so I trusted him. I had also joined the Navy and in order to enlist and go to boot camp one had to give over legal authority to the other spouse. This had already been done in court for our divorce, I didn't realize why till much later, ,I changed custody later,in Ca. when I regained the kids.
Now to get back to the divorce,,, in order to get divorced at that time,,we only had fault divorce,,someone had to be the bad guy and since he wanted the divorce out of his foolish fear I would come back later and take the house he loved more than anything. He requested the divorce. So I was the bad guy and the charges at the time were cruel and abusive treatment. I had never done a bad thing to him in my life, nor my children.. I did not know the meaning of the word cruel,,or abusive. But that is what the law requested for a divorce.
When we went to court I arrived first, and stood up to enter the court room. He asked that I stay out in the corridor, he said he would have to say some pretty bad things about me and he knew I would object, so like a trusting fool I stayed outside and since he wanted the divorce. I acquiesced. Not realizing this would come back to haunt me and harm me years later.
I never knew to this day what was said about me..I did not know for many years later what the meaning of cruel and abusive meant and how others looking into my past would be able to use this against me.
It did not matter to me at the time, because as I said I would never marry again, he wanted his divorce so I gave it to him, never dreaming that Torigian would use this as fodder to put my name on the OSH Operation Safe Home by HUD program as a violent offender many years later.
Years later after I went home on leave and saw Donald,,, He told me everything I had requested in our marriage he did for the fucking babysitter, at first I was so angry over this, I felt he was shoving it up my butt. But he wasn't ,,in his own way he was telling me he had listened to me..He had thought about things,, I think for the first time in his life,,he wanted to know why I left and thought about it.
Imagine that.
He still kept the house though, but then he had his motorcycle accident and became this poor, defeated, mentally ill person from brain damage. I did not realize how much Donald had depended on me for strength.I had no idea, he just hung on to anyone he could for support after I left. I did not know he was so weak, and that I was a much stronger person than he was. He always seemed to control the issues, it came as a great surprise to me, how weak he really was. He drank and that got much much worse.He promised he would quit drinking altogether and I did believe him. That was an issue with us. I asked him to learn to dance so when we went out with other couples,, we could dance and not sit at the table and he got so drunk.. I hated it. I know it may not sound like much to some, but to go out every time knowing you would have to deal with a drunk was not fun. Bored. argumentative.. Hated it. Never knowing what he would do..
When I joined the Navy,,he had legal custody and when I left I gave him physical custody. Then a few years later when I gained some rank and money, I asked for them back and he refused. He had a motorcycle accident which his mother told me he spent my child support money on purchasing the motorcycle. . I sent money home for the kids every month,,not a court decree, this was before women paid child support but because I wanted to. I wanted my children to know I never forgot them and I sent home boxes of clothes for school and every change of the season.. His mother told me he purchased his motorcycle with the support money and the babysitter's two girls ended up with the clothes. We bought a motorcycle before our children were born and we gave that up when I got pregnant.
Later Donald told me he never realized how much work I did. How much work two children entailed but by then the compliment was much to late. He should of told me before , but Donald always took me for granted. Never went out of his way for me, ever. It was always what he wanted. he never considered, one thing I wanted..so be it,,,..he suffered for that ignorance as well.
He loved me till the day he died, I never saw the love in his eyes he had for me, from anyone else,,,ever. His love shone out like a beacon, but it was all to late.
Anyway that is Operation Safe Home, and how they go into your past looking for anything they can to dig up dirt on you , for their use.. They do it today with this expanded OSH, I see this program going out into the public , data mining,,, many people are going to be hurt by this,,,like my divorce decree did to me and that haunted me many years later.
I hope this makes sense and if it does not, I will peruse it later for clarity ..
