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SCOTT

I was just thinking of Scott, my 21 year old lover , when I was 40, he had a girlfriend I'm sure he eventually married. 

I was the age of his parents. his mother loved the idea,,,how funny is that. 

His father was not at all happy, I was better looking than his girlfriend...We met did not say much, I wonder about that,, with laughter.

He was blond,,, Chinese eyes when he got stoned, 6'3" tall, not an once of fat on him. Goofy,, he was young for 21 even,, but he was fun. Not a man, but not a boy. He still loved sat. morning , the three stooges, we both watched, sometimes. After our assignation he used to go in the closet and hug and smell my uniform. How cute is that. He fell in love, I knew better, but it was fun. He knew who he was going to marry,, I wonder what happened to him,,, and did he marry his girlfriend?  He would be in his 40's now and I wonder if he  still has dreams of me. I bet he does.

He was a great lover and the first night we slept together I got, tipsy,,, and I guess I yelled a lot when we were in bed together,, He told me later I scared the shit out of him, he didn't know what to do.. How funny is that.  His sex life was not very adventurous or innovative,, thank goodness for older women! lol..

You not only have to hit them on the nose with a newspaper when they misbehave, and socialize them , but you gotta teach em how to fuck...now if we could keep the pedophiles off the young boys, it would be one in our favor...that is why the pedophiles like the young boys,, they can entrain them into that mind set. Easily manipulated, easily controlled.  My brother told me a shocking story of my father, and since everyone is dead I think it is ok to tell it here,,, my brother and I was having a discussion about religion and he told me that my father used to take him to the show,,I did not know this, but David,,my brother  said that my father used to use him for bait, they would sit up in the last row in the theatre and then when I guess contact was made, he would send my brother down front to watch while he did whatever he did..This is what my brother told me,,,I refused to believe it at the time, as I said I was absolutely flabbergasted. Later I thought about all that and decided there might be truth to it,,he was raised and went to catholic schools in Canada,,he told me he was taught by the priests. I do  not know for certain and this is sheer speculation,,but one wonders.

One's first sex act is so overwhelming,, one does not forget it and I believe it is burnt into the brain and that has a lot to do with our  tendencies as we get older. I read years ago our sex life is laid down  like a 3 dimensional checker board, An incident here of great excitement at one age,,   another incident of great excitement at another age...All leading to what makes up for our sexual grid. Usually the first not ever forgotten acts hit us when we are very very young, I still remember my first , by accident sexual arousal incident very very  clearly and will not go into details, but it took a while for me to go back and remember this incident and why I have a tendency that I have., but it did make a lot of sense to me when I read that passage uunfortunately  I cannot remember who wrote it or where I read it.

Of course we get jaded,, everything should be in moderation, that way you do not get bored or jaded. It's like smoking pot a couple of hits will do it  with the same effect these idiots got to smoke a whole joint ,,,what a waste.

But some men show only an affinity for the gay life from birth. Some have experiences of this,,and  there is a low level scandal going on in the country,,, many rich men are kidnapping boys for sexual deviant behavior,,, one on one and group as well...as I said long ago,,a hole is a hole is a hole to a man,,, whether it be a male, female child, or a vacuum cleaner... it matters not to many.

I still can't get over the fact Kissinger is gay,, I can see him prancing around in the nude with his curls flying,, what a sight,,, yet he's killed so many, he should be tried for war crimes.  He was a big supporter of Pinochet the mad murderer in Chile

Maybe I do not understand why DC gives him respect,,, he is smart and really mostly all they have...He's it. so if he had another agenda,,well did it matter. I know he is responsible for most of our support of Israel..

Simon Schamus is doing PBS show on the Jewish life.  Very interesting , he is a tried and true Jew,,, to his core. The main theme seems to be they do not want to lose their Jewishness. The do have a long history. But their god is to ethereal for me,,, he evidently does not like his people very much. He fucks them over at every turn,,, he could give them a break once in a while,,even now they are oppressed and opposed.
I read a wonderful article in the New York times magazine about Sayyid Qutb a Muslim philosopher and he said the Jews in power will  be arrogant,,, not the right word I have to go read the article again but it is on that vein, and when not in power will be ???fawning,,, suck ass words to that effect, will look up quote,,,, he says it comes from when they were in slavery under the Pharaoh, this is how they had to live and Qutb says it is now endemic to the population,, I thought that interesting... this is why the gov't developed  help for the people during the great depression they did not want the people to resort to primal instincts and revolution, killing off the rich to eat,,,,so they supported us during that time as any gov't should.  When in power they are arrogant, when not they are fawning, but isn't that everyone,,,we kiss ass when we are not in power and act arrogant when in power...?
bjg